A Eulogy for my son, Jordan

Dear Jordan,

I, who am seldom at a loss for words, started and restarted this letter to you countless times. There are so many things that I wish to say that I don’t know where to begin, what to include and how to organize my thoughts.

First I want to thank you for finding one of my favorite socks that has been lost for about 3 years. While cleaning the house to prepare it to receive visitors after today’s celebration for you, I moved something that hasn’t been moved in quite some time, and there inside was the sock. Thanks, Jordan. You always are such a help!

I’ve tried very hard to make sense of your death. And after thinking about you and talking about you these past days I think I know why things turned out the way they did.

It’s really quite simple knowing you as I do. You were devastated to learn of your little 9 year-old cousin, Jake’s leukemia and poor prognosis, and when you heard of his impending stem cell transplant you planned to put your life on hold and go to Pittsburgh to help out in any way you could. As things turned out, you couldn’t go to Pittsburgh.

Being the wonderful, giving person that you are, the one who goes out of his way to help whether asked to or not, you wanted to make sure Jake had a full recovery from leukemia. When Jake became so ill from all the drugs that were keeping him going after the transplant you stood before the Angel of Death and said, “Take me, let my cousin live.” And that’s exactly what happened. You became Jake’s Guardian Angel.

Jordie, I am truly honored and blessed to have been your mother these past 23 years. I already miss you terribly, but I have wonderful memories to keep with me, and I will always celebrate your life.