My Dad is A Survivor

My dad is a survivor too…
Which is no surprise to me.
He’s always been like a lighthouse
That helps you cross a stormy sea.
But, I walk with my Dad each day he walks Muppet
To lift him when he’s down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others.
He cries when no one’s around.
I watch him sit up late at night,
Waiting for me to walk in the door,
With my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
And wishes he could understand.
My dad is like a tower of strength.
He’s the greatest of them all!
But there are times when he needs to cry…
Please be there when he falls.
Hold his hand or pat his shoulder…
And tell him it’s okay,
Be his strength when he’s sad,
Help him mourn in his own way.
Now, as I watch over my precious dad
From the Heaven’s above…
I’m so proud that he’s a survivor…
And, I can still feel his love!

Written by Kaye Des’Ormeaux
Slightly changed by Alan on
June 2, 2004

Nothing can ease the pain that I feel…this is too unreal

from friends….

Excerpt from Colleen Berg:

“…Many people are content to sit back, and complain about the world, and the things that bother them. Jordan wasn’t many people.

Not many people have left dents in my life, people come and go, and fade out. Jordan left more then just a dent; I’ll forever see the world in a different light.

I’ll miss him. Who wouldn’t? I always thought Jordan was one of the best people I know. Full of personality, determination, adventure, with a strong drive to change the world. On top of everything, he was a great friend, and a kind soul.”

April 1, 2004….Jordan died doing the one thing he loved doing….demonstrating and trying to change the world…the way he thought it should be…He will forever be remembered as an activist….one not afraid to challenge the government, the white supremacists and racists on this earth…He saw wrong and tried to change it, he saw poverty and fought to fix it, he saw oppression and tried to fight it…

A friend of Jordan wrote: “… He figured out early in life that the measure of a man is how he impacts those that can do nothing for him. I promise to help someone soon and I promise it will be in the name of Jordan Feder.”

Kelly wrote:”…I feel blessed just to have known someone with such a pure heart.”

Thoughts from Dad…….

There is an old saying that you only get one chance to make a good impression, but that was all Jordan needed. The minute you met him you knew there was something different about him….something extraordinary. You knew the good person he was…the character of his being. What he accomplished in his 23 years is more than most accomplish in a lifetime. Friends found out quickly he never judged them or put them down. He made you feel an equal, even if YOU did not feel the same way. He took your flaws and shortcomings that you would confess and made you realize they could be overcome. He supported you and made you a better person for knowing him.

Jordan – you had your whole life ahead of you and I will never understand why it was your time to go. I guess I will never know what they are until I join you. You touched and positively impacted so many lives while you were here with us and know you are sadly missed by many. Know you will always be in my heart. Most only get to dream of angels – I knew my son was an angel for a LONG time.


January 2006

Letter from Troy

From: “Troy Crews” <>


Subject: In remembrance of Jordan

Date: Wed, 07 Jul 2004


My name is Troy, and I was Jordan’s suitemate in college. I just heard about his passing this past weekend, right in the middle of installing a wireless cable modem router in my future in-laws’ house.

I hung up the phone after getting the news. Then I cried.

My first thought was of the day Jordan went with me and a few more friends to Six Flags America here in Maryland. We went on coasters all day, bought pirate hats, and chatted with the characters walking around the park. He’d talk to Yosemite Sam or Bugs Bunny (like chatting with a parallel self, I suppose you could say). I’ll never forget the story of him getting in a fight with a fellow Six Flags worker in Jersey because he was sticking up for his friend. The best part was that the fighters were still wearing their characters’ costumes.

After checking out, I realized that most people focused on Jordan’s achievements when remembering him. What I’ll remember best was that he was a tremendous friend. He was a freshman (in 1998) when I was a senior, and yet he seemed the make the most sense out of all of us when viewing the world. I took great inspiration from that, and I’ve never forgotten that lesson.

I remember that he was so stoked about Star Wars Episode I coming out in theaters, and he made friends with the guy that was 6th in line for tickets. He wound up scoring tickets for about 10 of us, and we didn’t even have to break the exam-studying routine to go. We went to Target and bought out their supply of Star Wars action figures in case they’d be worth something someday (still hasn’t happened).

I remember him giving me the Rent soundtrack as a graduation present how many college freshmen think to give a departing senior a graduation present???). He said he was really inspired by the director’s message that we should all live life as if every day is our last. Just like the ironic passing of the director after the premiere of the show, Jordan’s passing was far too soon.

I always meant to catch up with him. I’m so sorry I didn’t.

Please give my best to your family. I wish you all the very best, and you’re lucky you got to witness Jordan at the peak of his game. When I was around him, he was still climbing that first monstrous hill.

Love and best wishes,


Jordan’s last livejournal post and comments

FABIO was at SAM’s club today signing autographs for his new coat line! FOr anyone who lives near me he will be there tomorrow too. I walked by and didn’t say anything to him. Mom says he has a big butt.

i think you’d enjoy the fact…
2003-12-01 13:24 (link)

that your last post was about Fabio’s big butt. rest in peace, bro.

(Reply to this)

2003-12-02 07:29 (link)


(Reply to this)

2003-12-02 08:45 (link)

you didn’t know me, but i can tell that if you did we’d be friends. I was in Miami with you, and i’ll continue to fight with the memory of you with me. Rest in peace, comrade.

Love always,
Tom Ciaccio
Milwaukee, WI

(Reply to this)

2003-12-02 11:39 (link)

You didn’t know me, but my thoughts are with you and yours right now.
My hope is that you are some place better than this world.

(Reply to this)

2003-12-02 17:33 (link)

If you’re frightened of dyin’ and you’re holding on…
You’ll see devils tearing your life away.
But…if you’ve made your peace,
Then the devils are really angels
Freeing you from the earth…


As they moved the coffin out of the synagogue, I was trying hard not to cry. And then I saw something that made me laugh. On the side of the coffin was a sticker:

“This Phone Is Tapped.”

I cried when I found out that you had died, and I cried as I poured a shovel-full of dirt on your grave.

Some day, I’ll see you again. I’ll tell you how we won the revolution, and I’ll bring you a souvenir: Maybe a plastic bullet, or a tattered red and black flag, or a chunk of the white house.

Until then, don’t worry. We’ll take care of the Jersey kids and help them whenever they need it.

Love and rage,
Carlo Tresca

(Reply to this)

2003-12-02 22:47 (link)

C’est la vie.

I wish I had more to say.

We’ll always be fighting together, I know that. See ya again someday, brother.

I took your advice. Thanks, man. And good luck. RIP, comrade. Happy trails.

(Reply to this)

2003-12-03 15:46 (link)

i feel nothing more than sympathy. my heart is to all of yours, and my power to his cause. you are a martyr..a martyr we will always remember. Forever yours!

(Reply to this)

Chris Libertini’s remarks

Jordan…all the things I never got to say…
Chris Libertini

ok, so
all the things I never got to say…
I really thought that your whole outlook on life was unique. A person that saw things differently. Even in high school, @ work, and just in plain “chillin”, I saw you look @ a situation and come up with some off-the-wall suggestion or comment. You were instrumental in my life in that you showed me things I never would have seen. Took the “blinders” off.

I see your family now. I see your brother. I see how much we all love you, and miss you. You were such a special person. A special friend. Accepting people, accepting me.
I’ll never for one moment forget those words on the other end of the phone….”Jordan passed away…..”
I asked if this was a joke, you were not supposed to die. I was supposed to die WAAAY before you. You were supposed to have grandkids, a wife, be old and stoggy (well u kinda were)….
I love you brother.
I will go to the warped tour this year and be there with you, again.
C’mon Jordan, lets go in the pit and start a toilet bowl… or maybe even try and get back stage…
I love you bro…
Save me a spot @ the table up there
CL out

Abe’s remarks on Passover 2004


Yo, Jordan –

Happy Passover! It felt really weird being here without you;

weirder than its felt the other times I’ve been here since November.

Your parents forgot to leave out a cup for Elijah, and I forgot to say

something about leaving out a cup of root beer for you (clever, eh? eh?)

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately – you even made your way

into one of my dreams. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a sex dream. But you’ve

been on my mind a lot.

We’re probably going to get tattoos soon, featuring some of your artwork.

We talked about getting them on our asses, but we weren’t sure whether

you’d be insulted or amused – my bet was on the latter, though.

I think about you every time we’re about to go on an action, because

to this day you’re one of the people’s favorite folks to work with on

the street. I can only hope to become somebody as (…insert adjective…)

as you. You continue to be an inspiration.

Thanks for everything!

In Solidarity,

Dragonfly (Abe)

Was the State of the Union demo the start of a new wave of protest in the U.S.?

30 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
The thoughts and feeling I had after the Smash the State of the Union Demo on January 28th, 2003
Was the State of the Union demo the start of a new wave of protest in the U.S.? After attending the demo on January 28th I had a new, re-found, hope for the ?movement.? I always here comrades in other countries telling me about the demos they would go toin many other places in the world. They seem like fun festive events that accomplish something. After I received a scholarship to go to England to for the Fall 2001 semester, I was able to experience this first hand. While there I took part in the Anti-WTO protest in London. It was nothing like I had been to in the U.S. A fun Carnival-like atmosphere of 20-30 thousand people marching in the streets of London, complete with floats, marching bands and about 15 different national/international groups. While we did not ?Smash the State? every person went home with the feeling of, ?we need to get organized and organize other people to move, not just get agitated.?

After returning home from the State of the Union demo I had the exact same feeling. While we did not ?Smash the State,? we did some damn good work. We had a presence in D.C. that people could not mistake. While we stayed on the sidewalk, sometimes, we were strong. The cop?s shut down the traffic on the side of the street we were on. We caused senators to get stuck in traffic as they were leaving Bush?s speech. While we may not have had the numbers to do what we truly wanted (fuck shit up), we still accomplished our goal. If you think we were going to stop the war that night, then you are living in a fantasy world.

We made our presence felt in D.C., but that was not the best part. If you looked at the demographics of the march, there was a refreshing dynamic. Women in leadership rolls and on the front line, large numbers of people of color, more then normal, but the best part, was that the people there were not all black clad Anarchists. Now don?t get me wrong, I have marched with the bloc on numerous occasions, so this is not an attack on black clad Anarchists. But, in the unpermited march, there were: Hippy type peace-nicks who would not take their two fingers down the whole time, many people without masks on, the average anti-war rallier from the college, everyone knowing full well we were over 25 people, had no permit, and when we did take the streets for those few blocks, fell right in. It was beautiful, all of us with the same passion in our eyes and hearts.

Then when we realized we could go no further, we went back and partied. While on the lawn most people were not worried about which cop was going to take their picture, or who was watching them bob-their-head or shake their booty. People were having a good time. Some times activists need to unwind; some times we need to do political things without 100% political submersion. We need to do different/new things, and the other night was different. After talking to some friends, we came to the conclusion that the reason things are changing in the movement, is not because they are getting old, we all want to still smash the state, but because we, as a movement, are growing up. The amount of people that started becoming politically active, as opposed to politically conscious, grew drastically after Seattle. Most of those people wanted to repeat Seattle, and that was all. I know because I was one of them. Now, people have matured and are no longer running around looking for the next fight, but are actually doing political work. If you look at the corporate press from the day after the demo, every (local) paper reported what we did that night, most gave us our own article. Whether or not it was good or bad, the word got out, that there are people in opposition to Bush and his policies. We are winning, slowly but surely we are winning. Great work, thank you for resparking my fire.


thank you.
Current rating: 0
30 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
i’d just like to say thank you, as a person who spent what felt like hundreds of hours and numerous high stress moments in planning the sorry state of the union concert and smash the state of the union march. it always makes the hours of work worth it knowing that people got their voices heard, but it re-lights my own fire to dedicate what passion and hours i have to organizing and protesting knowing at least one person had their spark re-lit because of something i felt a part of.

~lady speaker for shirts off coalition at sorry state of the union concert

Right On!
Current rating: 0
30 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
I was just writing my own thoughts on the march and I went to check some stuff out on indymedia and saw your post. You summed it up much better than I could so I’m just going to forward your posting to our Shirts Off coalition listserv. We haven’t decided when the debriefing is going to be but it would be good to have you there. Contact us at visibleresistance (at) or 866 860 9311.

Current rating: 0
30 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
Thank you Zach for your powerful, amazing story. Inspiration runs many ways. This concert/rally etc. helped me rekindle my love in this movement–in part because of how excited everyone there seemed to be.
See also:

Indeed Indeed
Current rating: 0
30 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
Indeed indeed I can only agree. This event took one jaded activist and made me feel like a “virgin” again. Well said sir morris, onward to victory!

Current rating: 0
30 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
the best part was running down the street after we blocked the cops motorcycles. That was the most exhilerating feeling I have ever experienced.

anarchist anti-war momentum builds!
Current rating: 0
31 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
check out the anti-war momentum post on the anarchist movement page of interactive:

Current rating: 0
31 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
we know you posted all the responses zach.

Current rating: 0
31 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
We don’t need your stinkin leaders!

Anarchists for Gun Control???
Current rating: 0
31 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
All I heard was a lot of liberal blather and videos lingering on facts about gun control. Anarchists have been co-opted and your liberal leaders will never let you smash the state.
See also:

World Wide Strike Date Feb. 10th 2003
Current rating: 0
31 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
In protest of the impeding war with Iraq and the continued bombing of its people a world wide general strike and boycott has been issued for Feb. 10th 2003. Please join your comrades in this struggle for peace and justice. Unite and Win! more info
See also:

Current rating: 0
31 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
Get Marching Bands out to these protests!
Get those dancing, flag twirling bands out to MAKE SOME NOISE! (N.I.O.N. Earth flags!)

The movement definitely needs to change into something else, not just the same old fashioned protests we’ve all been to a hundred times. We need to get the people who seem bored when they march, to realize why they’re there–to be excited about stopping this fuckin war, to be on fire about changing things. LOUD MARCHING BANDS CAN DO THAT!

Call up your high school band buddies, or get your award winning college marching band to come to the Feb. 15 Protest/March.

about that general strike
Current rating: 0
31 Jan 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
You should post that all over EVERYTHING in order to get the word out. The only place I’ve seen that date posted is on warisdumbstill.
I know a lot of people here in NYC are in favor of that idea, but if the day comes and goes and no one hears about it, it won’t do any good.

The UK is planning a general strike too, I don’t know if that day is the same day as theirs, but we gotta coordinate to make a dent in this society.

I’ll put the 10th on MY calendar, that’s for sure.

yeah right
Current rating: 0
01 Feb 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
while it may make us feel good that we are out marching in the street and listening to bands at that the anarchists are finally taking off their masks (wow, you can do it when you want to dance and not go home alone but you can’t do it at a demo?) but frankly, marching in the streets isnt’ going to change shit.

as it was so well said in army of darkness, “you aint’ in charge of but two things. jack and shit. and jack has left town.”

we can pat ourselves on our backs as much as we want and suck each other’s dicks just because we think we got something done. but let’s look around? the earth is dying, animals are being murdered, and humans are being pushed out onto the cold streets. now we can at least agree that bush wasn’t legally elected to office, but the mayor was. and why do these people want to be the mayor, the president, the CEO of some company? for control! but what if this job cost them something. not just their freedom from the press following them around or devling into their personal lives. but freedom from us not showing up at their homes at 3am and freedom from us not plastering the city with pictures of their faces and murder written above it. put out personal information about them: phone numbers, email addresses, etc. make it personal.

in the UK, things are different. the numbers are greater but people take this shit seriously. look at the campaign to close huntingdon life sciences ( and we’ve got a few political prisoners in this country for home demonstrations where shit got broken and the UK has even more. but what is so effect is that nobody wants a protester showing up at their house. mayday dc, while showing their speciesm by calling the mayor a pig, has at least picked up on this idea that it needs to be made personal.

and look at the results.

Call to outlaw animal rights threats
By Geoff Dyer
Published: January 31 2003 4:00 | Last Updated: January 31 2003 4:00

The biotechnology industry has called on the government to introduce legislation that would criminalise intimidation and threats by animal rights activists.

Industry executives met ministers yesterday to call for measures to outlaw campaigns that tried to put animal testing companies and their backers out of business. These would be based on measures already used to prosecute football hooligans.

“If the intention is to damage legal businesses through demonstrations, there should be potential for criminal prosecution,” said David Chiswell, chairman of the BioIndustry Association. “How legitimate is it to demonstrate at 3am in front of someone’s house?”

The police wanted to take action, he said, but were hampered by laws that still left activists ample room to intimidate people.

The government has amended the criminal justice and police bill so that company directors under threat from activists can keep their addresses private. It has also provided banking and insurance facilities to Huntingdon Life Sciences, the testing company that has been the target of activists.

According to the BIA, in the last quarter of 2002 there were 62 home visits by activists to directors or employees of companies with links to animal testing, and 20,000 e-mails, phone calls or text messages were received.

Mr Chiswell said the government had given considerable support to the biotechnology industry on animal testing and other issues.

But he added: “The government has to recognise that this is a continuing problem, and put the appropriate resources behind it.”

As well as making it illegal to campaign with “the sole intention” of causing a business to close, the BIA called on the government to ban demonstrations outside homes. It also called for all directors’ addresses to be kept private, not just those immediately at risk.

Liberty, the civil rights campaign group, said the proposals were questionable. “There are clear controls already under public order laws that apply to demonstrations like that,” said the group.

The proposal was welcomed by the pharmaceuticals industry. “Everyone has a right to demonstrate, but surely there is no right to intimidate a person and his family for doing something that is completely lawful,” said John Patterson, chairman of the Association of British Pharmaceuticals Industry.

Current rating: 0
01 Feb 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
Together it all makes a difference, there aint no one way to do it. You got your ideas, I got mine, when we all act on our ideas at once, a difference is made. That is the beauty of individuality and cooperation. Instead of blaming others and attacking those who are on your side, say good job, and continue on in your work. A lesson I need to learn as well.

Tofu-Eating Jew-Haters!
Current rating: 0
02 Feb 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
Fuck you, tofu-eating Jew-haters! How does it feel to be a bunch of mouth-breathing retards on the wrong side of history? Will you ever realize just how comical and irrelevant you are?

Got news for ya
Current rating: 0
02 Feb 2003
Modified: 11 Aug 2003
The people protesting are not “jew-haters” as you call them. However, they will not back down from what is right because someone calls them an anti-semite or tries to guilt them in backing down from their position. That just doesn’t work anymore. Save it for your next ADL meeting.

Editorial: Why what we do is not Bullshit

5:45am Mon Jan 7 ’02

I received an email on a list serv that I am on saying what we do is bullshit and we never get any results. This is my response, edited a bit and made in to an article for indymedia. I am not saying, “I am the best, be like me.” I am just saying how I live. I do not have all the answers. who ever says that they do is wrong.
As some of you may know i am studying in England this semester. I have learned a lot here that I want to share on what we do is NOT bullshit. First off I think every activist goes through “We/I do so much and I never see results” People are still working in sweatshops, people are still going hungry, etc. Me personally I do not judge my wins and losses by how many sweatshops are closed or how many large demos i get my ass kicked in. My wins and losses are judged in how close I am to living in an Autonomous zone. The Zapatistas in Mexico say, we are not trying to take over the government, we just want to live Autonomously from them, and the super corporations that are around us. They also say do not come here and work, But to create your own zones in your own places, work locally for the people around you that need it.

I try to live like that. I think we all do. I try not to support super corporations, I buy my food from local shops, my clothes second hand or not from places like the gap, I recycle an reuse stuff. Now am I solving all the problems of the world? Hell no, but I am doing my part. Also when people are out with me and they want to get a quick burger at McDonnals I tell them why I do not eat there and can we try the local sandwich shop. This is how what I do is not Bullshit. If we change one persons original thought, we are winning. While over here it is very easy to just go to the large demos in Europe, but I didn’t. There was a large demo in London against the WTO meetings, but instead some locals squatted a building for a week and created an alternative (autonomous) place. There were about 150-200 people that came through the building and did not know they were doing something radical, but when they left they did know there were alternatives in the world. As for the large demonstrations I think they are good to go at times so that you know there are other people in the world that think like you think!

Other ways of living free is to think about what you like in this world. I am vegan and do not eat meat products. I like vegetables and fruits. I like organic stuff too. Why can’t I take old windows and make a green house so I can have this stuff all the time. I met someone who has this and their foods were really great. Also there are tons of fair trade products out there. Even though it is not as popular in the U.S. there are ways to get fair trade on the internet or other places. This directly helps people who I want to help. However, it is important to know what am I getting out of it, other then helping people that I will never meet? Ask yourself that question when you do the activist work you do.

I remember a report written from someone who went to a demo in Canada. In it they said that when they passed though an area there were minorities who were cheering them on from their buildings. “This was good because it is their families we are trying to help” I am sorry but I have to disagree. Who says that their families are not all living in the there or another place? I do what I do for my family and my future children. When they grow up I don’t want them to live in a police state or in fear of government. I want them to live autonomously in a community of equals, and I do things to try and achieve this. It is easy to say that you are an “anti-capitalist” but it is not as easy to say what you are pro. If you are anti something it is good to have a pro something to go along with that so things are balanced.

I strongly recommend a book to everyone to read. If you know me I don’t like to read and never recommend books, so i really mean this one. It is called MENTAL FIGHT by Ben Okri. It is a book of poetry but it is more than poetry it makes you think a lot, more than “Where The Sidewalk Ends”(oh shit, a Shel Silverstein reference!). Remember we are not supposed to have all the answers. People always attack Naomi Klien for the book No logo that she states the problems but does not say how to solve them. Look at it this way: “If you are in a building and someone tells you there is a fire, but does not know where the exit is; Should you yell at them for not knowing where the exit is? Or should you thank them for telling you there is a fire.” meaning we don’t have all the answers, but we are trying, what we do does help. I have rambled for too long now. I wish you all a happy New Year. May we all have Peace within ourselves and our world in the next year. I will leave you with a quote by Ben Okri, which I have began to live my life by: “We are not Freedom Fighters… We are Free, We Just want to share it with Others.”
Be well,